A Christian Perspective
It’s not necessary to have God in your life to overcome grief. And for many, grief, loss, trauma and tragedy negatively impacts faith. It’s common to become, bitter, angry and questioning. Jesus taught anyone who wanted to listen, so purposely, I teach a secular programme because everyone deserves to heal their broken heart.
I’ve known of God and Jesus my whole life, and for the last 20 years, I’ve been a born-again Christian. When my husband died suddenly over a decade ago, my heart broke. Despite leaning on my faith and never asking “why me?” my unbearable heartbreak led me to ask, “What am I supposed to learn from this?” I studied theology and devoured everything on grief, trying to ease my pain. The Bible says we are to grieve for a season, not stay stuck. So how do we find rest in our grief?
I learned there is hope in grieving; grief is mentioned over 50 times in the Bible. We need to take time to mourn and see grief as a gift to understand forgiveness. Grief helps us recapture our hearts and memories. My husband died from misadventure, and through grief, I learned forgiveness. I realised it’s okay to feel robbed of the life I dreamed of. Grief is cumulative and brings simultaneous joy, sorrow, relief, loneliness, anger, and guilt.
Grief provokes an instant review of everything related to the lost relationship. When our hearts break, our heads don’t work right, and our spirits can’t soar. Recovery from grief is possible if we grieve thoroughly. Disappointment with God hardens our hearts and blocks intimacy with Him, but He sits with us through our grief. We do many activities to feel better, but we must live in the moment and reveal our guilty secrets for healing.
Many lose faith after a loss, blaming God for bad things. This realisation led me to teach secular grief recovery programs, when filtered through the Bible, the process follows steps to forgiveness which in my experience are rarely taught well in church:
- Accept we’ve been wronged.
- Count the cost of our loss – financial insecurity, loneliness, etc.
- Apologise for our part in the sadness – what did we do wrong, what do we wish we’d said and done differently?
- Forgive, releasing us from the hope of a different past or yesterday.
- Confess our grief, giving it voice and witness.
I teach proven educational methods for recovery, focusing on counting the cost and identifying the harm, sadness, and loss in relationships. In my experience, we all need a little help, guidance and tools to unpack the “where & why” of our pain. Recovery means simply feeling better. During the programmes, we don’t pray or invite God to heal us in a way that might exclude non-believers or those struggling with faith.
If God is part of your belief system, I’m not advocating tools without the Holy Spirit’s power; He breaks in even uninvited. However, if your belief has been shaken, there are 2 things I’ve learned; One of the programme outcomes has shown positive improvements in prayer and faith and the programme techniques can also be used to resolve your relationship issues with God too! In 2013, God called me to walk alongside the brokenhearted. I resisted until 2020, and with His guidance, I now help people process grief healthily, discovering who they are meant to be in this next phase.
The Bible is full of grief references:
- He will wipe away every loss, pain, sorrow, and grief.
- We must allow time for suffering and sorrow.
- Sorrow is our sowing; rejoicing is our reaping.
- The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
- I will strengthen you. I will hold you up
- Be happy with those who are happy and weep with those who weep
- God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted
- He comforts us in all our troubles
Perhaps this consideration raises questions for you? Feel free to book a call, I’d love to co-journey with you.